George Carlin, 1937-2008

I wanted to take a moment to recognize the passing of one of the funniest people to ever grace the planet in my opinion.

Mondays aren't usually the best day of the week for me, but today's was worse than usual, and it didn't help that the morning began with the news that George Carlin passed away overnight. I just finished up reading "When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?" a few weeks ago and so Carlin was more on my mind than usual, even before this morning's sad news.

So, in honor of Carlin, I wanted to share a few of my favorite Carlin quotes:

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter."

Last but not least, my personal favorite...

"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. Doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.

I noticed that of all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers that I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50 percent rate. Half the time I get what I want. Half the time I don't. Same as God 50-50. Same as the four leaf clover, the horse shoe, the rabbit's foot, and the wishing well. Same as the mojo man. Same as the voodoo lady who tells your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same; 50-50. So just pick your superstitions, sit back, make a wish and enjoy yourself."



The world will miss your wry comedy, George.